I’m scared.
Let’s be honest here. My girlfriend has cancer: there’s a lot to be scared about.
- Doctor’s given her a 30-40% chance of surviving past five years. If she can go that long without the leukemia reappearing, she’s ‘cured’. Maybe.
- While her four-year-old refers to me as “Daddy Phil”, Kristy and I aren’t married, and I have no legal rights to the kid. Should Kristy not make it, I have to rely on her ex to allow me be part of the little one’s life.
- Even if the cancer goes away, the side effects of the chemotherapy will affect her for the rest of her life. She will most likely never have another child.
And I’m scared.
I’m scared of losing her, of losing the kid, of losing the life and family that I’ve finally found. I was with Lisa for 11 years and we never made the family that I have now. I’ve known Kristy for fourteen years, never knowing that she was even interested until last year, and now that we’re finally together, I could lose her.
I’m not crying here. I don’t feel like wailing at the unfairness of the universe (well, not much anyway). We have a large and wonderful support system, and Kristy is at the best cancer centre getting the best care from the best doctors. We have everything we need to give her the best chance possible.
Doesn’t make me any less scared. I’ll be scared through the next two chemo treatments. I’ll be scared while we wait for the results of the bone marrow aspiration to see if she’s still in remission. I’ll be scared every time she seems weak or pale, any time in the next five years.
And likely for ever after that. She’s living on the precipice of existence, and she could go over the edge at any time.
It doesn’t matter how strong my arms are. I won’t be able to pull her back if she falls.
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No wonder you are scared for both you and for her. I wrote about living in fear or living in love on my blog today. Choose love. You can be realistic and Kristy needs your support in the coming days. Perhaps you might want to check it out at http://www.sherrieh.wordpress.com. Also check out the energy that is out there so you can guard your heart a wee tad at http://www.astromoon.com. I’ll keep the two of you in my prayers.
Oh and one more thing .. the Universe does not make mistakes. This is supposed to be happening so the two of you can learn and grow together through it. Now the question is what do you have to learn? Blessings!
Hi,
I totally understand having fear for a loved one. My Mom was diagnosed with Stage 3 lung cancer two months ago. I was very afraid for her – and for me. Conventional medicine doesn’t offer her much with the type of cancer she has. She’s going with all alternative medicine. I created a blog for her to give her positive information about cancer and the types of choices that are available to her.
I can honestly say that I don’t feel afraid anymore. Two months ago I didn’t know anything about cancer and it was paralyzing at first – and now I feel like I know so much more. The more I understand about it, the less afraid I am.
My Mom gets intravenous Vitamin C therapy three times a week. from a Naturopathic M.D. One of the ladies she used to see in there all the time had breast cancer. After four months of the Vitamin C treatments, she is in remission now and doing great. She used the Vitamin C as a complementary therapy, along with radiation and chemo. It seems to have been successful for her. You might look into it for Kristy.
Also, I added a 9-part video series I grabbed from YouTube about the effects of Paw Paw on cancer and put it on the blog. This information was very, very interesting and I was surprised by it. The video was put together by a scientific researcher from Purdue University, Dr. McLaughlin. I would recommend watching it. The capsules are cheap ($45 a month) and seem to offer a lot of promise.
I never like pat answers from people who theorize about what it must be like having a loved one going through the hell that is cancer. It’s a bumpy ride that has smooth spots and pot holes. Our emotions are like a roller coaster and it’s hard to describe unless you’ve been through it.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and Kristy!
Tracey
http://starfishproject.wordpress.com